


I don't even know

by Imma_Reddy_Panda



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I Don't Even Know, My First Fanfic, Self-Harm, cuddling at the end, more or less, mostly angst, sorry it's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 09:03:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8096119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imma_Reddy_Panda/pseuds/Imma_Reddy_Panda
Summary: Reader has a bad time and Bucky's there to make her feel better





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first job here.  
> Well, my first job ever if I had to be honest... so please leave comments and critics and everything else.  
> this work is mine and mine only, all mistakes are mine (I just hope they don't are too much, english isn't my first lenguage)
> 
> *I came up with this idea because I had pretty bad days lately and I do not know how to going through them, so having someone like Buky next to you when you need him would be a great thing*
> 
> Reeeeally hope you like it *blink blink* and leave any kind of opinions and comments if you want to.  
> Thank you  
> -Pands

You didn’t even know why you were doing this.  
You just felt bad.  
And with feeling bad came the feeling of being worthless.  
And then it was a loop down a big black hole.  
Like the one in Alice in wonderland. You thought.  
You were laying in the bathroom floor, razor blades in hands and bleeding wrists.  
You really didn’t even know why were you doing this, it was an impulsive reaction.  
Laying there you didn’t notice the knock on the door and Bucky coming in, concern on his face.  
“Doll, what the fuck are you doing!?”  
“Shh, Buck! I need to concentrate and focus!” you said, cutting deeper in your left wrist.  
“Oh my god Y/N! For fuck’s sake! You said- You promised you wouldn’t have done it anymore!” he said lifting me up and opening the water in the shower to clean me.  
I was a mess.  
All covered in blood.  
And then I realized.  
I swore to Bucky that I would have stopped doing this.  
And I broke the promises.  
I start crying.  
“James, I-I didn’t w-want to!” I started sobbing in his arms while he hugged me and kept me closer.  
“I-I’m sorry! I am so sorry!” tears streaming down my face and into his shirt.  
“Hey doll, it’s okay, I’m here now” he started patting my hair, trying to calm me down “everything is gonna be okay, I swear” he said.  
When I came down my high, he started undressing me, and he put me under the shower, to clean me up.  
I was still sobbing, so he decided to come with me in the shower and clean himself as well.  
He started with me, showing my hair first, with his gentle fingers rushing through my locks, then he went on with all my body. I waited until he finished and then I did the same for him.  
After we were done, he put some bandage on my wrists and then he brought me to our shared room, and he laid me on the bed, he kissed me on the temple and told me “I’m gonna bring some clothes, you stay here, I’ll bring you a shirt and a pair of panties.”  
I nodded and watched him approached at the closet.  
With his bare back and his broad muscles and his towel landing all too slow in his hips, I realized the mistake I had made.  
How could someone that had the things that I had be so stupid to be an autolesionisth? How could someone think about suicide when you had someone like Bucky?  
I felt tears rolling down my cheeks while I thought about this.  
“I’m so sorry, James” I said tears in my eyes.  
He turned around with one of his shirt in hand and came to hug me.  
“Oh doll, I’m sorry too. I should have been there for you.” He said, pain in his voice.  
“Oh please, James! You do enough, don’t put it on yourself! It is not your fault! It is mine!” I said suddenly feeling a rush of anger in me.  
Why does it always has to be his fault?  
He didn’t deserved me, I was a walking mess, why on earth had he chosen me?!  
Almost as if he knew what I was thinking about, he leaned in to kiss me and all my insecurities slipped away.  
It was a deep and passionate kiss and when we separated, both of us were panting.  
He lied in the bed next to me and I curled up in his chest, while he hugged me tightly close to him.  
“You want to talk about what just happened?” he asked.  
“No… At least not now, I’m sorry Buck, I’m just not ready… Sorry…” I mumbled into his chest.  
I could feel his heart beating.  
“It’s okay doll, take your time” he said and then kissed me on the temple.  
“Now get some rest, you need it.” He kissed me again while I closed my eyes. “And don’t forget that I love you, no matter what”  
“I love you too, Buck” I managed to say before starting snoring lightly.  
I, at least, felt him chuckle before really falling asleep.  
And that night I slept lulled by his breath, cuddled against my lovely boyfriend, feeling loved.


End file.
